Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
