I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
