dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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