Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
