So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
