I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
