if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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