just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
