idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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