:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ttyl tear gas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
