my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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