i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
