Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it because I queefed?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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