you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize