Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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