ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
