I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize