Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
