U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
