my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
