i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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