WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
