So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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