so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
