trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
