the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
