He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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