listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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