Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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