Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
