He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
