My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i out mim tonsoeep
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