You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
