he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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