I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
