i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
