You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Pants are for mortals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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