I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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