I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I intend to get homeless drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so much tequila, so little girl.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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