Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
