if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
