she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
