apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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