They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
