So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
