She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize