just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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