I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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