Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
