I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
one might say we're banned from that church
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize