Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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