i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
