Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
