dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
