My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is Oprah even human
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
