Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
