You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
