There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
