I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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