Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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