oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
