Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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