I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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