I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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