Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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