I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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