I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
