Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
