You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
