Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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