I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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