Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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