It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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