im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
