It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
