So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
