She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
