Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
