i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
