the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
two words: eviction party
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
