I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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