I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
