I want to make a zoo with you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
