Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
