What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
